This is the only wedding picture I have on my phone. I was looking at it today and wondering why I like it, why I kept it. At first I thought it’s because I saw a yearning in the woman’s eyes, like she really enjoys the man and; from a deep, true place, she wants to be with him. Then I realized that it’s more because she looks stately. She looks like a woman who can take care of herself, yet she chooses to be with him. I want to be chosen, desired. Not sometching that is sought for because in a fundamental way, it is thought to be needed. Something that has to be had anyway.
One reason people fear the feminist movement is that in the long run, when women are empowered to single handedly cater for themselves financially, it could out their need for men. The position of a provider which the man has traditionally held could be taken away from hi., and that could strip him of his sense of worth (this calls for a whole other debate – “Will Married Men Be Stripped of Their Sense of Worth if Women are Empowered in the Workplace?”).
But should love and marriage be necessitated by need or by desire? Which is better? Which is more genuine?
In this case there are two tyes of ‘need’. There is the need roused by a burning desire – “I want you so much that all my emotions tell me I need you, and financial dependency may subconsciously enhance this feeling of need (that doesn’t make the need bad). Then there is the need of a man as a tool i.e. “I need emotional (or financial) stability/security in my life so I need you”. Here is not needing the man, but needing emotional stability, and here the man is being treated as a means to an end.
In the first case, the need originated from the woman. In the second case, the need is a reflex, it is facilitated by lack.
I may have accidentally answered my question. Perhaps married men will not be stripped of their self worth if their wives are financially buoyant when they can be sure that the basis of the relationship was not their economic power but their intrinsic value which the woman recognized and holds dear. When he can be sure that the desire for his person (the entirety of his very person) comes before a desire for his money.
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